ALF & Life in the Corporate Jungle

July 15, 2009
ALF and Life in the Corporate Jungle

When I graduated from FSU I had a Communications Degree with a Minor in Marketing. I had no earthly clue on what I was going to do as a career. I had been a bartender and cocktail waitress but didn’t aspire to that as my career path. I decide to move up to the Washington D.C. (where I was born) area and started working in sales and marketing. I’d just entered the corporate battlefield and had no idea how to navigate this course! I got a good job that gave me a company car and I sold Old Spice products to chain stores and distributors. I was one of the few female sales reps in the country and guess the Old Spice needed some new spice! I was soon promoted to the Virginia Beach area and my territory included that area and a big part of North Carolina. It was a lonely job that entailed working out of my home, lots and lots of driving and having to meet very high quotas! How much Old Spice can you really sell and keep having something interesting to say about it? Today with this recession I think many people would think it was crazy to quit a job that gave you a company car, benefits, good salary and commission. I was very young and not challenged by carting around tons of samples of Old Spice cologne, aftershave and Shaving cream. I started to loathe the smell of Old Spice. Much to the company’s chagrin I quit.
I went to work for Lanier selling Word Processors in the Virginia Beach/Norfolk area. Back then these things were bigger than the first personal computers and only did Word Processing! They sold for between 10 – 20K and the memory and functionality was very limited. I really enjoyed my job and got great responses from these products! At the time people were using typewriters (our kids would probably say, “What’s a typewriter?”). I worked in an office with a Sales Manager and other Sales Reps. I started developing a pretty good reputation in this area and was wooed away by their major competitor at the time, Dictaphone. Dictaphone had a bit more advanced Word Processor and was less expensive, less cumbersome and easier to use and demonstrate. I would load up the very heavy, extra large WP into my car and take it around to various places. Mostly law firms in the area. They loved it and so I quickly soared to 200% of quota. I was on cloud nine! About a year later they called us all in and told us to drive to Richmond, VA for a meeting. We are all thinking this is going to be great – they are going to announce the new products we have been waiting for! We really had no idea what we were in for. When we get there they tell us they were closing down the entire WP division. They said they were doing this because a new product was on the horizon, the “personal computer”. They said they did not have the technology, resources or money to compete in this market. We were told to go back to the office in Virginia Beach and pack up our things. They gave us a severance package and that was the end of my glory days in this arena. I quickly called my boyfriend at the time, got drunk and cried the whole night until I fell asleep on his couch.
Once again I am wondering, "Where do I go from here? “ I call my Dad and he says come home to Tampa. I agree and he flies up to Norfolk and I pick him up in my tiny Ford Escort (all I could afford when I had to give up the Old Spice company car). I have sold all my furniture and my car is packed to the gills. I have said goodbye to all my friends and Dad and I hit the road.
Since this is the advent of the Personal Computer I get a job selling them in a PC store. I then graduated to selling mainframes with another company. How in the heck did I do that with out any real technological skills or knowledge? Oh I relied on the “fake it till you make it” concept of selling. I talked very generally and took people out to lunch and dinners. I talked to them about their families, their hobbies, their secrets, their problems (early therapist training). Once they were hooked I brought in the Tech Manager who could speak their language. However my company could not really compete in this market because our competition’s products were much better and less expensive. I was very good at hooking the prospects interest. But the company failed miserably in delivering the technology my prospects needed at a good price. I somehow find out that no one has sold a new mainframe in our office in five years! The other reps have just been maintaining their accounts and selling add-ons. I’m in a sales job selling something that is truly pretty much a lost cause. I did not want to be a quitter again so I really tried in this job. I went to classes to learn more about the dinosaur mainframes to see if they had any redeeming features I could sell. I went to Dale Carnegie classes hoping to improve my influencing people skills. I finally get us on the list to respond to government requests for proposals. And….one day it looks like we are going to close the first new mainframe sale in our office in over 5 years. We do an awesome presentation as a team and I think we nailed it. After making us wait hours, we finally get the results. We are crushed again by the competition. Oh shit!! I had really hoped we would close this sale. This isn’t a bad company to work for but what makes it bad is the lack of hope. I decide to get out while the getting was good. I really don’t want to stick around on a sinking ship.
Somehow (with the help of my father getting me an interview) I land a great job! A job I truly love! I go to work for a brand new computer consulting company. They have a special niche in the Industry and their services are in demand. I will be their one and only Sales & Marketing representative. I have a great boss, Rick who is the VP of Marketing. He says I’m not your boss, we’re equals. He treats me with the utmost respect and we get along great. Wow! This is my dream job and I get to travel all over the country calling on other companies. Most of the time I travel by myself but on potentially really big deals, Rick comes with me.
One time Rick and I travel to Baltimore for a meeting and it’s a very cold wintery day. When we come out it is snowing like mad. And we need a cab but there are no cabs to be found! We call up to the CEO of the company we had just met with and tell him of our dilemma. He sends his personal limo out to us to give us a ride. We are so happy to have transport and get in the limo. There are only a few other cars on the road because it is snowing very hard. All of a sudden a car on the snowy, icy road loses control and smashes into the limo. “Oh crap” I think, we just got in an accident with the nice CEO’s limo! There goes that sale! Once this is all sorted out between the two drivers we realize the airport is closed. We had just flown in for the day and will have to stay overnight in a hotel. The limo driver drops us off at the nearest hotel. We get to a hotel and thank goodness they have two rooms. Rick goes and puts his stuff in his room and then comes and knocks on my door. I come out into the hallway to talk to him about meeting for dinner later. As I turn back around to go into my room I realize I have locked myself out of my room! I get back into my room and decide to take a shower before we meet for dinner. I get into the bathroom and am ready to relax, after such a crazy day. I open the box that holds the bar of soap and Yikes! It’s got someone else’s pubic hair all over it! Ewwww! I fling it out of the shower and take a soapless shower. I call Rick and he says come to the bar where he is waiting. When I get there he is smiling really big. I ask him what he’s smiling about. Apparently he’s been in the bar talking to other snowed in businessmen (all men no women). Some of the men have been really bashing women in the work force. He said he kept smiling because he knew I would be showing up soon and was looking forward to seeing the looks on their faces when I did.
Rick was the coolest boss ever and very ethical and fair. He was also very respectful of me and my position. Unfortunately he didn’t fit in with the good old boy network that was the rest of the upper level management hierarchy in this company. I’m not sure what went down with Rick and the two other VP’s and president of our company but they fired him! I had relied Rick for direction and support and now he’s gone. Prior to Rick coming to work with this company he had left a company he’d been with for 20 years to become our VP of Marketing. Rick ends up suing the good old boy’s for breach of contract.
The day I am notified of Rick’s departure, the two other VP’s and president bring me into the office. They tell me even though Rick is gone and that I will report to all of them until they get his replacement. As much as I miss Rick I still love my job. I am traveling almost every week and seeing new things and meeting with interesting people. Sometimes I stay over for the weekend and visit family and friends all over the country. I keep working and traveling until one day I am in the office and am told to go to the conference room for a meeting. I walk into the conference room and there is a man I have never seen before. He looks exactly like ALF! I think to myself who is this strange looking person? He is a friend of the president’s and is going to be working with me. They tell me to train him and teach him the business. This guy, who I am going to call ALF, starts making very crude comments right away and smells like Old Spice. “Ugh, I am thinking. I have to travel with this creature”. He constantly makes references to my “rack” and tells really rude sexual jokes. He is an embarrassment on the calls and deals I am working on. He was hired because he is the president’s friend, can play golf and lost his last job for sexual harassment. Alrighty then! This guy is so gross! I continue to take him with me and show him the ropes. Then the fateful day comes that we are both brought into the president’s office. I don’t like the look on ALF’s face. What is going on?? He is practically drooling and panting. I am then told, ALF “is now the new VP of Marketing”. WTF! The misogynist, the guy I just trained and taught the business, is now my boss! I was pretty naïve and should have seen it coming but didn’t. After I get over the shock, I decide to make the most of things and figure they can’t get any worse.
Hah! Once he was officially the “boss” of me things really went downhill. Now I am even more fair game for every lewd, rude and disgusting joke and comment!! The job I had loved now turns into the job I ran into the bathroom and either cried or was sick over. I tried talking to the other upper management guys about ALF and how difficult it was working with him. I told them specifically the off color jokes, sexual references and disgusting comments he constantly made to me. I was told to deal with it and laugh it off. I tried ignoring ALF, interrupting him when he started in and just dealing with it. That was very hard to do. As I was walking by one day he points at me and says very loudly to another VP, “I guess we’re not supposed to grab the employee’s breasts” and they both start laughing. I think if he would have laid a hand on me I would have kicked him, “you know where”. I’ve been instructed to laugh it off so I look at him, shake my head and say “too much time at the strip bars”. I go in again and talk to upper management and they say, “Well if you don’t like it you can always leave”! I call Rick (the old VP of Marketing) and ask him what he thinks I should do. I know he had sued them for breach of contract and won. Rick gave me the name of his attorney and I go talk to him. The attorney writes my company a letter saying this type of behavior on ALF’s part need to cease and desist or else!
They were not happy when they got the letter. I was brought into ALF’s office and asked about an upcoming Sales trip I was making by myself. He asks for my itinerary and agenda for this trip. Then he lets me know I am not going on this trip, he is! I then have to give ALF all my files, contacts and everything pertaining to my job. I am told I am no longer allowed to travel or call on my accounts. They take away everything for me to work on but do not fire me! I still have a job and go to work everyday with absolutely nothing to do. I sit and read, make personal phone calls and am shut out completely. Truly the lonely little tulip in the stinky corporate onion patch! Then after a few weeks, someone decides I should do something (since they are paying me). They give me a very challenging marketing project that is beyond my capabilities of doing. They want me to fail so they can have some credibility for firing me. I call Rick when I get home and he explains it to me and talks me through it. He helped me do something that far exceeded my experience level. I shock the heck out of them and turn in the project. This project nets more business and pea brained ALF takes all the credit. No one says a word to me after I complete the project and I am back to sitting at my desk with nothing to do. I go into the president’s office and try to talk to him. Each time he tells me I can leave at any time. But still they don’t fire me. This went on for weeks. I was paid pretty good money to do absolutely nothing. I know they don’t want to fire me because of the repercussions they had when they fired Rick.
During this time one of my contacts at an account calls me. They tell me a company in NJ asked if they knew someone to recommend for computer consulting marketing. They give me the company’s number and tell me to call them. I call and this company and they want to put me on the first plane to NJ for an interview. I call in sick the next day and fly up to NJ. The interview goes well and I am pretty assured the job is mine.
I want to move on from this no responsibility job. But move from Florida to New Jersey? The company in NJ is making me a great offer and the timing is good. I get up my courage and go into the president’s office. I tell him once again this is ridiculous for me to be just sitting around everyday with nothing to do. I said I know they were hoping I’d quit but I won’t. I know they are afraid to fire me because they do not have cause. Somewhere I got the courage to really stand up for myself. They are finally open to negotiating a parting settlement with me. I take it to my attorney to work out the details. I call the company in NJ and tell them I’ll talk to them again. I feel so relieved to be free from ALF’s crap and I take the job in Jersey. I figured if I could endure ALF I can surely handle New Jersey.