Boyfriends and Tonsils

Boyfriends and Tonsils
I have had my fair (and unfair) share of boyfriends throughout my life. There are a few that when I look back I wonder why I let them get away. There are many, MANY that I should have gotten away from way sooner.
Many people say they have a “type” of person that they are attracted to. This has never been the case for me. My boyfriend list includes: younger, older, same age, short, tall, and medium height, skinny, chubby, average, athletic and body builder, blonde, brunette, brown haired, redhead, receding hairline and bald. The handsome, so ugly he’s cute, average and the pretty boy boyfriends.
I am a bit like the United Nations of Boyfriends. American, Canadian, Native American Indian, Italian, Irish, Spanish, Scottish, English, African American, Brazilian, French and Israeli to name a few. Catholic, Presbyterian, Christian, Non-Denominational, Jewish, Agnostic, and no religion but Spiritual. My list covers the whole Astrologic chart of boyfriends.
This also includes casual, serious, long term, short term and the on again off again boyfriend. Then there are the ones that I feel I went way past the expiration date. The ones that after we broke up I thought, “what the hell was I thinking”. Like, the bad boy, the mama’s boy, the not available, the way too available, the in the closet, the martyr, the sex addict, drug addict, alcoholic, gambler, workaholic, rageaholic and the scary freaky boyfriends.
Before I ever had my first real boyfriend there were boys I liked and who liked me. I used to chase one boy around in kindergarten and tell him that someday he was going to marry me. I went thru elementary school and the beginning of junior high not really sure if I would ever have a boyfriend. I was very quiet and barely talked to boys. My thinking was “I’ll never have a boyfriend because I’m too shy”. There was one poor soul in 5th grade who asked me to go steady and wear his ID bracelet but he’d already asked most of the girls in my class and they had all turned him down, as did I. Many girls had boyfriends before me and I wasn’t sure if I ever would. Then one day in summer 7th grade Marine Biology camp a boy passes me a note. I read this note and it says, “I like you will you be my girlfriend”. Yikes! I am mortified and embarrassed beyond belief! I am completely freaked out that he liked me and wanted to quit going to camp. My mother made me go back so I ignored him but secretly felt flattered in a strange way.
My first boyfriend, “John”, was also the first boy I ever kissed. I was in 9th grade and he was in 8th but was tall for his age. He was very cute and had braces at the time. He asked me to go to the movies and it was my first real date. We went on a double date (with my friend and her boyfriend) and his parents drove us to the movies. We sit in the back row of the movies and I don’t think this is unusual. The next thing you know the other two are making out like crazy. I think to myself, “Wow this is awkward and I wish they’d stop doing that, they’re distracting me from watching the movie”. All of a sudden the boy I’m with leans over with no warning whatsoever and starts to kiss me. Well I have never kissed a boy in my life and this one starts to French kiss me. I have no clue what to do or what is going on. He also has braces and I think to myself, “what on earth am I supposed to do and how do I maneuver around these braces”. All of a sudden I feel a sharp pain in my jaw (maybe I was opening my mouth too big) and it really, really hurts. Also there is his tongue darting around inside my mouth and tongue and it’s rather unpleasant. What the hell! No one prepared me for this gross maneuver and I mad at my friend for not warning me that we were NOT coming to watch the movie! I’m also disappointed about my first date and kiss. I feel like I was being swallowed up in a sea of tongue, saliva and braces! Ugh! I come up for some air and look over at the other couple. They are still engaged in their major lip lock. The boy starts to kiss me and the pain in my jaw has subsided but I’m thinking to myself, “I will be so glad when this movie is over”.
I dated during high school but didn’t ever have a real boyfriend. When I graduate from high school I go to beach week with some of my friends. I meet nice, hot Italian guy and we end up dating the entire summer. I had wanted to go to FSU but my parents said that financially it would be best for me to stay home and attend community college first. Meeting Mark and hanging out with him over the summer helped me get over my FSU heart break because he was going to be a senior in high school, so we would still be together. I really liked Mark a lot and the more we dated, the more I liked him. My family and I go on vacation that summer and were supposed to be home in time for me and Mark to go to a concert. We ended up getting home late and I missed the concert with Mark. This was before cell phones and I couldn’t even call him and tell him I wasn’t coming. I cried, I sobbed, and I bawled my eyes out the whole trip home. When we got home my mother took me aside and said, “are you in love with him”. I said, between sobs, “I think so”. This freaked my parents out that I was crying so much over a boy. I was spending a lot of time with and clearly was head over heels. Then a few days later I am having breakfast with my family. I am 17 and have a 12 year old sister who on occasion had some verbal squabbles with. On this particular morning she and I are having a big argument over God knows what. The next thing you know I take my glass of orange juice and throw it on her and say, “f-ck you”. There was some cursing that went on in my home but never the “f” bomb. My father sees this lovely exchange and says, “That’s it! I’ve had enough. You’re going to Florida State”. I am stunned and in disbelief. What? Now? Now when I have accepted the community college status and have a fantastic boyfriend! I guess the “f” word pushed my father over the edge plus I do think my parents were not too happy about the “serious boyfriend”. Well I think to myself, “there’s no way I’ll get in NOW” It’s the end of July for crying out loud. All the placements have been made, all the dorms are full and it’s too frigging late! I say this to my dad and he says he “knows” people and will get me in. Now I am so torn, it has been my dream to go to FSU but also I now don’t want to leave Mark. I figure there is no way I will get in at this late date. The next thing you know I am packing to go to FSU. I have to say goodbye to Mark and tell him we will keep in touch. I don’t want to end it with him but know that is inevitable and so does he.
Well now it’s off to FSU and I am living in a really nice off campus dorm. I am a little bit surprised that there are boys on my floor. Right down the hall! Wow! There just so happens to be this very cute surfer boy type, Mike who lives in my dorm. We start dating and how convenient that he lives on my floor! We date my whole freshmen year and into my sophomore year. My sophomore Spring Break comes and Mike drives me home to Tampa and then heads home to Ft. Myers. The plan was he would go visit his family and then come back and spend a day in Tampa and then drive me back to school. When I get home I am so excited to see all my friends from high school and hit the beach! However my parents have other plans! I had been getting strep throat quite a bit since I’ve come to FSU. I have missed a lot of classes because I’ve been so sick. Almost quarterly I have gotten sick with strep. When I arrive home my parents sit me down and say they have to tell me something. My mother asks me, “do you know where you’ll be going tomorrow?” “What is this a trick question” I think. I say, “Yes I am going to the beach with my friends”. My mother says, “Oh no you’re not, you’re going into the hospital and having you’re tonsils taken out!” I am pissed, I am outraged!! How dare they RUIN my spring break by having me have my tonsils out! That is something little kids do, not a grown up 19 year old like me. Does this have something to do with the first boy I ever kissed who tried to suck my tonsils out? I am so mad at them and I yell and scream and cry and say I won’t go. I also extremely mad that they didn’t tell me I was coming home for spring break and going into the hospital! They tricked me and I tell them this. They both say, “if we had told you, you wouldn’t have come home”. Well you got that right! So the next day when all my friends are off frolicking in the surf I am going under the knife. I am not a happy camper OR spring breaker for that matter. This majorly sucks! I have the surgery and my mother tells me it is good they took them out because they were huge and very cheesy looking. Gross! Well now the patient has to come home, rest and eat sherbet and mushy shit for the duration of the break. I call Mike and tell him in a whispery voice (my throat really hurt) not to come up a day early and the reason why. Mike is not very sympathetic to me and says, “that’s good, maybe you won’t get sick so much”. That turned out to be very true.
Mike and I break up and I have two other really good boyfriends in college. I graduate and get engaged. I break off the engagement the month before the wedding. I have now left the safety of college and step out into the real world of dating.