Super Snooper Stories

Monica Gallagly Camunez – June 21, 2009
When my children were little they loved when I’d tell them the Super Snooper Stories. When I was about 7 years old my father brought home a puppy. A cute, adorable little dachshund that we named Snooper. As he grew up it became quite obvious that in spite of his cuteness, he was a fighter, hunter and terrorist. We could not have any other pets in our house because he would kill them all! He had a very jealous and territorial nature. He viciously bit my youngest sister on the hand when she was a toddler, two Christmas Eve’s in a row, requiring a trip to the ER and stitches. Snooper was just a jealous “bitch” of anything small, cute and got the attention he thought he so rightly deserved. (I know he was a male dog but he acted like a bitch)! My sister was the cute baby and was getting more attention than him so “chomp”! Another fond memory I have of Snooper is when we had hamsters. One of them got out of his hamster home and without us knowing, Snooper gobbled it up. My grandmother was visiting us at the time. I vividly recall her standing in our TV room and Snooper went up to her and promptly vomited the hamster on her foot. My grandmother was in the wrong place at the wrong time where our pets were concerned. We also had some pet turtles during one of her visits. One of the turtles got loose from its turtle terrarium (very bad pet security as you will see throughout this story). Grandma is walking across our floor, steps on the loose turtle and its head shoots out, popping out of its shell. This and the hamster regurgitation resulted in much shrieking and pandemonium in our home! God, projectile hamster and turtles – what next? Not good odds for small pets or children in our house! Snooper terrorized many a mail man and thought our home, yard and street was his kingdom. He chased everyone and everything - cars, people walking, people on bikes and motorcycles (back before the leash laws)! One day Snooper was hit by a guy riding his motorcycle down our street. Snooper was rushed to the vet who put a pin in his broken hip! Soon after he recovered from his hip surgery, Snooper had to test out his hip and kick boxing technique. He had a run in with a neighbor’s very large cat! The hip surgery slowed him down a bit during this scuffle with the large Tabby! He had been a very fast runner for someone with such short little legs! People walking by our house or riding bikes were always shocked at the speed that he could chase them! Snooper did not fare well in this scuffle and the cat practically ripped his ear off! Snooper was rushed to the vet to have his dangling floppy ear sewn back on. This same neighbor was given Snooper to look after when our family went away on a trip one summer. When we came home we heard that Snooper had followed the neighbor up into her attic while she was showing a repairman something in the attic. She apparently had no idea Snooper was in the attic and closed the door and he was trapped! Snooper was left a prisoner in her very hot Florida attic. I imagine he barked and barked but the attic was on the third floor of a very big house. Snooper being the “never say die” fighter that he was, took matters into his own hands! Somehow he managed to smash himself thru her attic window! Fortunately for him there was an awning directly over her front porch that saved his fall. People passing by her house looked up and saw this little dog barking and bleeding on her awning. The neighbor was alerted and another trip to the vet for removal of glass shards and stitches were required! When we got home we were told the tale and that it was our fault for having such a crazy dog! Better crazy with a strong will to survive than a baked wiener in the attic or splattered one on the sidewalk! He was like a cat in that he had many lives and close calls with death. At one time we had some rat poison in our garage. Not sure why because the only rats I ever saw were the ones my brother had as pets, that were kept in a cage in our garage. Yuck! I hate rats and why have them as pets?? Our washer and dryer were also kept in the garage. I had to go into the garage one day to get some clothes. I casually looked over at the rat cage and had the most digusting experience of seeing that the mother rat had eaten off the heads of her babies!!! Ugh…But I digress….back to Snooper and the rat poison. Snooper found the rat poison and ate enough, according to the vet, to kill three humans! He had to have his stomach pumped and miraculously survived this toxic snack. When I was in junior high I had an albino parakeet named Snowy. She too was killed by this vicious hunter! I came home one day from school (after I had forgotten to lock Snowy’s cage) and was told by my Mother that Snowy was deceased. Snowy longing to fly free, escaped her safe abode. As soon as she flew close to the ground the hunter swooped in for the kill. I cried and was not a big Snooper fan after that murderous event! Snooper was also fond of killing multiple lizards, squirrels, bunnies and other creatures that roamed our yard and left them at the back porch for my mother to find. He attacked and killed any animal or pet that came into our home or his path – even my sister’s kitten. She kept the kitten in her room and one day someone did not close the bedroom door. Well that was the end of the poor kitten. I have often wondered why we kept this homicidal maniac in our home after all these killings. Finally enough was enough and it was time for Snooper for have a new home! My brother was in college in Gainesville and took Snooper to live with him. Near my brother’s house there was a big lake thought to have a Gator in it (no not a drunken college student but a real live alligator). Snooper liked to roam around the neighborhood searching for his next snack or victim. By this point, Snooper was getting older and not a fast runner, like he was in his younger days. Snooper sauntered out one sunny day in Gator land and never returned. Gator bait?!? We will never know for sure but I guess there is some truth to the old saying, “what goes around comes around”.